Friday, December 3, 2010

Beautiful .

Deep Thought...

Its one of those days...I feel totally lost. And the thing is on days like these, he's the only one to make it better. Just a look, that look that tells me he's there through absolutely everything, thats all that I need. I woke up this morning in a grey cloud, just that feeling that today would be an awful day. I went to my History of Visual Communications class and aced a test. After that, black hole. I wanted to go to bed and never wake up. I pride myself on positive feelings and always being optimistic, so when I feel like this I just wanna hide, bury the imperfections and disappear. My mood always subsides, but today feels different. Like I'm not gonna get over it or something. I need some distractions, being an art student and having no art courses this semester has both been a drag and depressing. I miss being totally immersed in designing and chaos. I miss feeling like my education had a purpose. And the sadder thing is in less than 6 months it will all be over.
I've never been so excited to get on with my life and really make something of myself, but recently, I'm more scared than ever !

Monday, November 8, 2010

Been gone for far too long....

Sooooo, I've been in Florida since January. On nothing but a Disney Internship. Experience of a lifetime if I must say anything. Crazyyyyy. Im still unsure if anything I did was worth it. I'm behind in school, officially the laziest person ever, want to do nothing beneficial for myself, just have fun. Sad thing is, back to reality I've been since Sept. and boyyyyy can I tell you its been the hardest thing in my life. Getting back after a 7 month vacation..... HA !!!!
Not sooo simple.
I miss Florida, everyday. Not the job even for a second. But the memories and the freedom, thats hard to find here at home.
Battling sadness and trying to figure out who I really am, is hard and challenging but I'm embarking on a journey to truly discover who I am.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

" I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground"

Jason Walker, Down
When I'm crashing through the madness, not sure who Im supposed to be, its your hand that's leading me.....

Here with you I feel it, close my eyes and see it,
in a midnight talk, in a morning kiss, when I'm in your arms that's where it is, come and take a walk, we cant resist, when we feel that rush,
That's where it is <3

Thursday, June 10, 2010

To my heart:

In order to fufill everything you need, I guess i need to know what that is first, i thought you wanted to be in love, you are. Then I thught to myself, maybe you need a commitment, you have it. Is that ever enough? To be fully loved and commited to? Why do i feel incomplete? When hes around, Im whole. I feel like Im where i need to be and with whom im meant to be with. But when we argue, when Im hurt or misunderstood, i just wanna give up. Whats making me hold on? I couldnt give you that answer even if i tried. Holding on in this relationship has been difficult, but theres no place else id rather be. Im sitting, praying and hoping with my wishes, that my boyfriend comes bak to me. The one i fell in love with. His laugh, charm and smile. I miss him. More and more everday. I know he doesnt mean to hurt my feelings, but it hurts, it hurts to be put down and swore at, and belittled. Its not as bad as I was before, i dont care. Youre never going to do that to me ! It wont happen, you need to understand that even a little is to much. You dont talk to someone like that. Esp someone you love. I guess what im trying to say is, im trying. Im trying to give you everything you need heart so you wont hurt anymore, but its hard. Its so very hard to deal with everyday. i enough? Did i do something wrong? Truth is, i never do, im constatnly giving 110% but even at the slightest frustration, he gives up. Im not sure if thats something i can handle. Fight for me. I hate to sit here and wonder, while you just sit here and ignore. Where do i turn now? I dont need to be the center of attn. thats the last thing i want, i just want to be understood. its nice for someone else to kow what youre talking about. to get you. you know.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

So.... do you know when you're actually in love, i arrived at this question today when Mr. Muscles sent me an ever popular “Love you :)” text and my reiterated response being,” Love you more !” I think the playful arguemtn is a common argument within young relationships. But why? Does it make us feel better to hear it back, even though the painful truth may be that this is just another little bicker that we enjoy to have in our relationships. I mean how do we ever really know who loveds who more? Or if we even love another at all. I can tell you, its this feeling of completeness, I feel whole when hes around, like nothing can touch me, nothing is going to hurt me. And I think the real reason I know it, I know, everyday that no matter what happens to me, i want him to be the person next to me when I fall asleep. I want him to be the person that I wake up next to and kiss in the morning. It never gets old, hearing Im beautiful, the innocent kisses that turn to passionate love, the soft touch when he stares into my eyes and holds my cheeks to kiss me gently. Nothing compares. I’ve levde others before, but have I ever been in love? I’m not sure, im still not sure if I have ever been in love, what I do know is that I have never loved aother the way I love him, and the feelings I have go to the grave, I put him first, worry constantly and have claws out for any girlt that lays eyes on him, Im protective and loving and crazy and wildy in love with this boy. He’s everythng. And telling him I love him, just seems to be a way of letting him know that Im here, always here. Bur when he argues, i love you more abby, I lifght up inside, I feel good. Why? Does he love me more, how does he know, how will we ever know? Can love be measured by anyone? Or maybe the real question is, Why do we feel the constant need to be reassured?

The New Beginning to the Blog !

1st Off.... I want you to understand I’m from a small town in New York, very small, the cows are close in numbers, here we have a few things in common with everyone around, big families, long driveways and huge hearts. I’m an only child and the center and soul of my parents lives, I adore puppies, cant ever get enough ice cream and could walk around the lake for hours. I could spend days on a boat and take a wine tour weekly, I miss High School, I love my Volleyball Senior Team more than any group Ive ever been a part of. My parents are my best friends. I have a fedish with designer bags and lip gloss. I think with my heart nearly, no, all the time. My head always gets in the way. Creating and dreaming are my two biggest pastimes, I’m always doing something big. I dream to open a Bed and Breakfast,
I love the city but belong in my small town, a sundress is my choice of apparel and I have found the love of my life in a guy the exact opposite of me in every way. Despite every feeling and thought I haev each day, I know I have found the guy I am going to marry ad share my life with, and I can honestly say that I have never in my life been happier. So i guess the comments and stories that will be shared after this post are those of my life, my thoughts, my dreams and my favorite things. Foremost, understand this, I am now and always a country girl <3