Thursday, June 10, 2010
To my heart:
In order to fufill everything you need, I guess i need to know what that is first, i thought you wanted to be in love, you are. Then I thught to myself, maybe you need a commitment, you have it. Is that ever enough? To be fully loved and commited to? Why do i feel incomplete? When hes around, Im whole. I feel like Im where i need to be and with whom im meant to be with. But when we argue, when Im hurt or misunderstood, i just wanna give up. Whats making me hold on? I couldnt give you that answer even if i tried. Holding on in this relationship has been difficult, but theres no place else id rather be. Im sitting, praying and hoping with my wishes, that my boyfriend comes bak to me. The one i fell in love with. His laugh, charm and smile. I miss him. More and more everday. I know he doesnt mean to hurt my feelings, but it hurts, it hurts to be put down and swore at, and belittled. Its not as bad as I was before, i dont care. Youre never going to do that to me ! It wont happen, you need to understand that even a little is to much. You dont talk to someone like that. Esp someone you love. I guess what im trying to say is, im trying. Im trying to give you everything you need heart so you wont hurt anymore, but its hard. Its so very hard to deal with everyday. Wondering...am i enough? Did i do something wrong? Truth is, i never do, im constatnly giving 110% but even at the slightest frustration, he gives up. Im not sure if thats something i can handle. Fight for me. I hate to sit here and wonder, while you just sit here and ignore. Where do i turn now? I dont need to be the center of attn. thats the last thing i want, i just want to be understood. its nice for someone else to kow what youre talking about. to get you. you know.